Ain’t Nothing But A Vibe
Ever feel like you’re out of place… like nobody’s really in your corner?
Welcome to Ain’t Nothing But a Vibe—where real conversations turn pain into power. I’m Blake Veney, and we’re breaking down struggles, setbacks, and the moments that shape who you become.
From one-on-one talks to group sessions, this is more than a podcast—it’s a space to grow, connect, and realize you’re not alone.
At the end of the day… it really is nothing but a vibe.
Ain’t Nothing But A Vibe
Same Scars, Different Stories
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Caleb Doyne and Jacob Tihanyi had never met before this podcast, but it didn’t take long to realize they had a lot of the same scars.
We talk about trauma, healing, faith, and how people can go through similar struggles but come out with completely different stories.
No script. No fake conversations. Just three people keeping it real.
Welcome to Ain't Nothing But a Vibe. This is your host, Blake Vini. I'm with my two guests today. I'm with Caleb and Jacob. They've been on two previous episodes. I had Caleb on a lot of episodes lately. And they had two different dynamics, two different stories, but kind of similar situations. Y'all wanted to meet each other, see how they vibe. And so far, they really getting along so far. Y'all want to talk with each other and see how y'all really get together and see. But they're going to have really good conversations, bro.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it's definitely been good to meet, bro. What's the for us? Yeah, I just met him today. We both share similar past things that we've been through in life. As I've been talking to him a lot more, I mean, I realize me and him are more and more alike.
SPEAKER_00Like Blake said, for sure. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, Blake was letting me know that we would have similar personalities, similar stories, and he was definitely correct. So it's been good so far, for sure. We've been talking about a whole bunch of different shit. So what was we just we were just talking about group homes and residential and all that?
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I know they were really getting into it. So like how about it? Some crazy places. So how was y'all's time at those places? What was your story about how you got affected by all those things? Because like it was y'all got like multiple places. You did like you you want to go how Caleb, I want Caleb to go first because like I I've known him a little bit longer. So like, what was your main thing that you got? Like you were dealing with.
SPEAKER_02So like me and him was just talking about the staff and stuff like that. Like the people that were running the group homes, like they're supposed to be the ones sitting there protecting, making sure everything is going right, and they're the ones that's sitting there acting like us, the kids that are there for being troubled teens, and they're acting just like us, if not worse. You want to explain a little bit?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so it's definitely you go there for trauma and you leave with more trauma, is how I would say it affects a lot of people, and that's how it affected me. You go there like group homes and residentials, you go there for a specific reason. It could be your fault or not. And and in most cases, it's because you're a troubled kid, you like do bad shit.
SPEAKER_02And your parents are like, I don't know what to do, so they'll just ship you off.
SPEAKER_01So y'all pretty much felt how once y'all got in this environment, no one was really looking out for you. He didn't really.
SPEAKER_00Nobody, nah, nobody really is. Once you get in there, you're there.
SPEAKER_02You're stuck. It's you yourself. Basically, that's when you have to kind of become a man and fend for yourself.
SPEAKER_01That's all I'm saying. All right, where how old were you, Caleb, when you first got to spot? I was about nine, ten years old. Yeah, he was a child, bro. I was 14. Yeah, y'all both of y'all were children. That they were babies, bro. They're dealing with things that most people as adults have never actually comprehended.
SPEAKER_00But these are places that are described to be great for children, supposed to remediate them. Yeah, rehabilitate your children and make them feel better about we make them feel better about what they're doing and how they can grow from it and learn from it. But in reality, like with mine, I went to Southstone Behavioral Health. They promised equine therapy, they promised therapy every day, they promised outings and trips and being able to go and have social skills and build them in the community. Dude, once you got in those gates, you didn't leave. They weren't doing shit, they weren't doing none of that. It was all a fake, it was all hoax. Yeah, you were stuck. There was no horses, there was no fishing. There was a lake that had been taken care of in I don't know how many years. It used to be the old Carlbrook school back back in a while ago. There's a documentary on Netflix. If you look up documentary about kids, kids' behavioral health schools, watch that. Yo, it talks about Carlbrook and how it was part of that. But all these places, you once you go there, you're stuck. There is no help, there's no mom, there's no dad. You can call your social worker, you can call your mom, you can call your dad, they can't get you, they can't just come take you away. And if they do try to take you away, they'll coerce you to leave them there. They'll say they're lying. Your kid's mentally unstable to tell you the truth right now. That didn't happen.
SPEAKER_02And keep in mind, these are all the things that he's talking about with the fishing and the horses, these are things that they're telling you about, saying that all these are the things that we're gonna do when they get here. We'll be doing this and that to try and make them better people, and it's all bullshit.
SPEAKER_00It's all lies. They'll make it seem like a summer camp when in reality it's just my best way to describe it, my best way to describe residential is a juvie with no the only locked doors is your way out. Imagine everybody that wants to beat you up at night can go right in your room and beat you up. Imagine your doors unlock while you sleep, and if somebody wants to go do something and you a deep sleeper, they can do it. You know what I mean? It is pretty much possible. You got staff members that fall asleep on shift, they'll be nodding out. Next thing you can just walk right past them.
SPEAKER_02And they're sitting there eating the food that you're supposed to get, the food that the facility makes for you. They're sitting there eating on it, talking about, oh, I'm taking this home for my kid when it's supposed to be for the people that are there. And they're fucking sitting there eating on it, like he just said, passing out, you know what I mean, not giving a fuck what really goes on. They're supposed to be helping the problem, but at the same time, they're enabling it, like letting it be, you know what I mean? And sometimes the staff are participating in it.
SPEAKER_00You know what I'm saying? And altogether, you just you don't get the help that they claim. I saw the first my first 30 minutes, I was in my first jump in. I had already stomped somebody's head in. I've already I'm looking at them on the ground bleeding with their blood on my shirt. Nobody's coming. So guess what that means? If that's me, nobody's coming. Yeah, they don't give a fuck. It is what it is, they just gonna let it go. I watched that dude walk out of that room, go sit down, and read a book. Did he get medical attention? Nope. No. Did he get checked for a concussion? Did he get checked for anything? No. Leaking still. Did he get a napkin? Hell no. They didn't care. Staff looked right at him. He said, put his thumb up, he said, I'm good. Staff said, Alright.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and it's what don't be because they didn't say they didn't want to even fill out the paperwork and all of that shit. That's that's literally all it is. Because it's a headache, they didn't want to be a fucking burden, so he's like, you know what? Fuck it, I'm gonna fuck it out. I'm like, nigga, you probably gonna have brain damage, and that's probably why you're more retarded.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, now on the other hand, I can get into the nitty-gritty a lot, and a lot of people do. We can get more into in a second. I will say there is a half and half, a bittersweet to it. I made a lot of connections in there that didn't last forever whatsoever, but got me through some hard times. We got each other through some hard times. I met staff members who I've actually called recently in a hard time, four in the morning, and he answered. Hadn't talked to him in four years. I've had I and his words to this day, his lessons that he taught me still stick with me to this day. I was 14, I'm 21 now. I was almost 22. They still stick with me. It's bittersweet. I still have great memories from there. Some of my craziest stories and funniest lore is from there.
SPEAKER_01And a lot of positive outlooks coming. Because there's always good and bad, any any trauma.
SPEAKER_00You always gotta see because in life, if we because definitely wasn't what I was taught there, but there's a silver lining to everything if you see it.
SPEAKER_01And also you still hear the fact you still or alive, that you're still breathing, you got a roof over your head.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, because there's kids that from mine that didn't they didn't make it out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they didn't make it out or probably died in here. There's probably people that actually got killed in there.
SPEAKER_00Well, that can't happen. So with kids, it's a little different. Jail, they'll they'll brush that shit under the room. But if a kid died, your whole shit gets shut down real fat. But now damn near, and if you try to kill yourself, they kick you out. So you don't have the chance to fucking do it. You know what I mean? Because they'll get shut down. But there's kids that two, three months after leaving there, don't hang them. Overdose, hang themselves, yeah. I had no one dude that RP, I won't say full names, but Colonel he over he was a really good homie. He was so sweet, sweetest of soul. Big teddy bear, bro. He he overdosed on heroin. Dude got bullied every fucking day in there. Was I part of the bullying at one point? Yeah. Because everybody that had to prove and show themselves, right? But a certain point, like I so why did not want to be a follower anymore, bro? It was affecting how my whole personality, who I, my born, my moral compass, it was just fucking with me. So I eventually stopped, you feel me? And dude, I got to know the dude that nobody wanted to get to know. Cool as shit. Overdose on heroin. There was a dude named Alaric, Dungeons and Dragons, right? He's nerd, creepy dude. Love him to death, but he's a little creepy. He had some lure to him, okay? Killed himself, slit his wrist three months after being out. All because he didn't get no proper help. He got me fun with everything.
SPEAKER_01That's all I'm saying. No one getting help. That's something that me recently, you got on my ass about that. Like, I'll I came to you. Actually, when I first met Jacob, I was like, damn, bro, how the fuck do you deal with this shit? Like, how do you deal with this shit? Because he's younger than me, and I'm looking at him always like, damn, bro, like you, I feel like you got a better handle on your shit than I do. And I've noticed with both of y'all had actual help since a child. Even if it wasn't good help all the time, but the fact that you even had acknowledgement of y'all's children. This is the first time I like it. Yeah, and that's all I'm saying. And it's been that's why I know that's probably why I've been so self-destructive. And I can't just blame the people that did the stuff to me for the things I do now. If you do, what the fuck is the point? That's just you being the bitch, bro. You're not just being a bitch in a way like, oh, you can't.
SPEAKER_00You can't take accountability. Yeah, exactly. You gotta take accountability for your actions. Can it be a reason to why it's happening? Sure, but it's not the full blame. You still are making the conscious decision to continue to act said way or do said thing that you know is wrong that happened to you in the past, or you know what I mean? You gotta be able to push forward and move forward. It can't be like I think that that was one of the biggest lessons I had to learn and why I was able to push forward through any of the trauma that I had was you have to you can't let it define you. At the end of the day, I wouldn't be who I am without it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, exactly. And I've been I had a pastor talk to me recently, and he was just like, don't ask God why. Ask God when. When is he gonna show you the things of life you went through? And it's like, this is why you went through it.
SPEAKER_00I feel like honestly, the way I looked at it for a long time, why the way I still look at it, I went through what I went through so I can help others. I know that I know I don't know the answer, but it's way easier for me to help you if I've been in your shoes before, right? Yeah, and having an empathy.
SPEAKER_02It's like being a counselor, you can't like you're sitting there trying to tell this person what ways they can do better and you ain't been through it. You gotta go through what that person's going through to actually be able to help that person. You know what I'm saying? You can't just be an abused physically or mentally, you can't just sit there and try and tell this person, like, look, you can do this better, or this is a way to cope with it if you ain't never been through it, so you don't actually know.
SPEAKER_00And it doesn't have to be the exact same scenario, you just have to have been through the ringer a little bit to understand.
SPEAKER_01Like, yeah, and I think that's why we all relate it because at least a glimpse of yeah, I think that's one thing people can feel that because I've noticed when I have interactions with people, I can people will feel what kind of vibe you give up, bro. Like I fell on me, I'm like, damn, bro, I sound misery. I even said to the therapist, damn, I should be so fucking happy right now, bro. I got all I got a shit ton of money. I'm in the best health of my life. Bruh, I'm fucking miserable. I am fucking miserable.
SPEAKER_00I think there's definitely a thing nowadays with people our age that we struggle with contentness.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So you gotta learn that, bro. Fucking at the end of the day, there's always room to be better. But nigga. You gotta be only to put in that work.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, yeah, and I wouldn't know what to me. I'm so horror to myself, and it's I'm like, bro, I thought I haven't done shit. This podcast this whole time, everyone's been like, oh, you've been putting this nigga. I've just been talking on this fucking microphone. It's like I realized I sell myself so short. I'm like, bro, I've been putting an hour, I've been networking. Why am I dude?
SPEAKER_00I'm proud of myself. Well, like, yeah, it's what I said, you gotta be proud of yourself. Even if you can be in a room full of people you think should be proud of you, you need to be proud of yourself.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I think now people, I think y'all, you even said I think now we see a difference in me, bro. I think honestly, at the beginning of this year, to now 360 change.
SPEAKER_00Definitely, yeah.
SPEAKER_01And it's like you need to know it's because before I wasn't really respecting myself. Like, you know, y'all didn't want to say that to me. That's how I was.
SPEAKER_02And at the end of the day, you gotta respect yourself for the work that you're putting in and what you're doing. You know what I mean? Like you're putting in that work. Yeah, you're putting in that work, bro. You need to notice like the other a little bit ago, like you was telling me, Well, this chick was telling me that I look good, you know what I mean? And you didn't feel that you look that good, you need to be aware, I do look good, or hey, I have been putting in this work, you know what I mean? You need to be, you need to, how would I explain it? You need to be proud of what you do, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, if you're doing something, take pride in it, bro. Yeah, and that's all. If a chick tells you you look good, you know what I mean? Make your I look good. Like, you know what I mean? And that's crazy.
SPEAKER_01And then even y'all tell me, they're like, damn, you you popping now. And I'm like, damn, that's my whole thing. I grew up getting fucked with so much that I was like, are you capping right now, nigga? Are you fucking with me?
SPEAKER_00Because people would say that those negative thoughts that those those little thoughts that you aren't the only one to hear those. Everybody goes through. There's two. Why do you think so and so compliments you out the blue? Oh, where'd that come from? He heard he's hearing you negatively think about yourself and he's showing you. Hey, nah, look, you're good today, or you look good today, or hey, you smell good today, or you're doing good work today, good job at your job today.
SPEAKER_02The work you're putting in with the podcast, like those just a little reminder for you, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, from maybe from a friend that doesn't compliment normally, maybe from the shy person that's never talked to me. Yeah, I know, and that's been happening to me. Pay attention to those.
SPEAKER_01No, that's been happening to me so much lately, and it's like I'm not saying it in a narcissistic way. It's like I've never in my life had something so positive happen to me contemporary. That's hard to explain. Yeah, that's a fact. I'm just like, oh damn, anytime I did have something positive, oh bam, I'm getting fucked up again. I'm like, it's all I got money. I got eight, I almost got like 20k from getting hit by a tractor trailer. You're wondering when the bad's gonna go. Boom, and it did, it happened. I broke my foot again. I was like, damn, I don't, I was like, always being some bullshit, bro. So it's like, you know, it's not like scared of things good happening to me. It's just like I don't think I'm worthy.
SPEAKER_00No, you're getting some good right there, bro. Because you're it's almost like self-sabotage in a way, but you're also scared that, oh, if this good thing happens and this good thing happens and this good thing happens, there's gotta be another bad thing falling behind it. Because there's some type of this, this is a snowball. Where's the boulder to break that snowball? You know what I mean? You're always like that that makes complete sense. And someone who comes from an environment where you're consistently on edge, walking on eggshells, where you're like you said, your mom, your your mom was always bitching at you, complaining towards you, yelling at you, hitting on you, beating on you, right?
SPEAKER_03Yeah.
SPEAKER_00So when you're walking on eggshells all of your childhood, you don't get to just grow up into be an adult, and then things are going start going right and start going right. You're gonna wonder when those things go left. Because when you're out for ice cream with mom and she's happy, things always went left.
SPEAKER_02And you're just waiting for that moment to be like, oh, yeah, fucking did this, or you're just waiting for that moment.
SPEAKER_00You rolled your eyes. Where'd that attitude come from? Yeah, and that's not her face, not her hands in the back of your face.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I had to realize too that behavior that she was doing was not normal behavior. It was like I understand that yeah, people getting disciplined, you do something stupid. This one thing be like smacking your hand. Bro, I got a punched in the fucking face by my mother. And I love my mom. This whole time I've been doing this podcast, I don't want to just sit here and no, there's no point of this saying, I'm not saying it's just what happened. I wish to God I hadn't had this yet.
SPEAKER_02And that's what that's another thing that goes to show being a parent. The love that your child has for you, you know what I mean? No matter what you do, that child is still gonna look you look at you like that's my dad, that's my mom, you know what I mean. I s I love that person. This person brought me into this world, you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00And like my family, my my whole family has done horrible things, abandoned me, ditched me, didn't love me at the times they should have. And no matter what, there's only one person that I probably wouldn't do anything for, but other than that, I'd still probably pick up the phone for anybody else.
SPEAKER_02At the end of the day, this this person is your mom, that person's your dad, that person's your cousin, your grandma, that person's still your family. There's no, no matter what they've done, there's no going around that. That's why being a parent, I feel like in this world society, in this today's day and age is so important. You know what I'm saying? You gotta be consistent, bro. You gotta be there for a child. And the things that all three of us that are sitting talking in this mic right now have been through, that's a reason for us to be like, look, the things that we went through, I don't want my child to have to go through that. Yeah, I want my child to be able to, I want people to be able to sit there and be like, oh, that kid is everything. Oh, that kid's spoiled. Yeah, because when I was a kid, I didn't get that. You know what I mean? I want my child to go through nothing that I went through. I want him to be better, go through something different. That's why we gotta stay consistent on these kids, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, with with me, it's exciting to say me unfortunately becoming a father in the near future.
SPEAKER_01Congratulations, man. Congratulations, I'm so happy for it. I don't honestly see. No, I'm not gonna lie. When I when I saw him, he I can tell the difference. Because before, I think he just felt I saw you were lost a little bit. And then now I'm just like, you have not purposed a way where you're just like, damn, bro, I actually proud of myself. You and I can see you're actually proud of yourself, bro.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, definitely. And uh, it's definitely like all those experiences and everything, everything that we talk about, it's definitely something that I've already thought about in just a few days of knowing that it's gonna happen, that I will sit there and never repeat the cycle that we had to go through.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and that's the and that's the beautiful thing, bro. And that's awesome. The fact that you and and everyone that goes through something like that, it's like the ultimate dilemma. So that's the deciding factor.
SPEAKER_00Because like at the end of the day, and it's it's the confidence you have behind it. Everybody decides they're not gonna do it, right? Yeah, but you're still showing habits in your everyday life that you might be a little abusive, or you might be a little creepy, or you might be repeating cycles that you're and you just don't say it out loud because you don't want to like actually like tell you yet.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's all I'm saying. It's just like the things people like peep it and they're gonna acknowledge it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, like you know deep down if you're weird or not. Yeah, that's exactly any of that. Yeah, like even you know your true colors. But for me, like I know genuinely that when I become a father, I'm doing the complete opposite of everything. I didn't have a dad, and I don't know what to do all the way as a father, and what not the fuck to do. I know that might be.
SPEAKER_01I felt that for me, I don't even have a kid yet, but like I I live with my dad. I love my father to death, but like I wouldn't because I love my dad used to go out and be like a hoe. That's probably why I don't know how to be in a relationship.
SPEAKER_00My dad, I've never if you were never displayed a proper relationship as a child, you're not gonna know what to do in your life.
SPEAKER_01I just saw my dad with other women. Like my dad would always have different women, like every single, and it's not even not like bully, he will like if I call my dad right now, that nigga would be like, Where the hoes at? Nigga, I don't like really nigga. No, and then nigga, I'm like, I he old as hell now, so like he can get the hoes like he needs to.
SPEAKER_00And it's and in my opinion, like, not my opinion, it's very different from being like there and being there. You know what I mean? Like being present, teaching your kid lessons, showing them what to do. Like me already in the future, like I want to stop smoking already. Like, I'm already thinking about my health, worried about my health. I want to go to the gym. So what if one day he's a little chunky? I don't want to move around on it. Well, I'd say he's hoping for a boy, but any healthy baby's great. But if I walk around, I don't want to sit there and get tired. I want to be able to throw him and toss them and do whatever. It's like it's just a whole like mind-changing thing, like being like wanting to be an actual father versus just being a father that's there. That someone that's I'm in that chair, but I'm on my phone while my kids playing on the tablet. Like, I'm already sitting here thinking about I'm gonna put him on the goosebumps, all the shows that I liked as a kid. Hey, Arnold, Rug Raz, he's gonna be cool as hell. Or she, I'm gonna shit. She too, think about girl for Princess Sophia. We got fucking strawberry shortcake, shit. She's like Scooby-Doo 200. That's hard to shortcake. God damn it.
SPEAKER_01She's gonna be stuck if she's a stripper, right? Hold up, yeah, yeah. Watch out for that one, man.
SPEAKER_02From one father to another, it's still a learning experience. You know what I'm saying? When this is your first child, this is gonna be your first child. And like me with my first child, I'm definitely gonna have more. There's gonna be more. You're gonna want more. And it's a learning experience, bro. You're gonna wanna that's the beauty of fatherhood, bro. That's the beauty of motherhood. You're gonna wanna have them, you're gonna want them to share the same traits that you did, and that's the beauty of it. Your DNA and her DNA is both mixed in, so that this baby is literally a mixture of both of y'all. This baby is both the y'all, and then it's nobody else. And the beauty of watching this kid come out being like, me and her did that. I created that kid. If it wasn't for my sperm, if it wasn't for her holding that kid, like that's my that is he came from me. That's us, yeah. She came from me.
SPEAKER_00That's the beauty of it, bro. Like, I'm beyond yeah, I'm beyond excited for it to watch them grow and to to take our traits and our interests and her interests, and just put in my interests and just put them all together and create their own interest and watch their own person.
SPEAKER_02Young woman, the young man. Whatever the child is gonna be, whatever it is, a man, a beautiful little girl, beautiful little boy. All children are innocent.
SPEAKER_00All children are beautiful, bro. And like I just want to teach them, I want to teach them how to live responsibly and to have the best life ever. I don't want to, they will never, they will never have to worry about defending themselves. They will maybe one day on the beach. Somebody run up on them.
SPEAKER_02Never have to worry about having a proof over the head, food, clothes.
SPEAKER_00None of that. They'll never have to worry about being in a bad environment, bad people around them, none of that.
SPEAKER_02And that's what I like when we were talking about earlier with the sick people in this world. You see all these things going on in this world, like us being in group homes, us being in Juvie, us being locked up. You see all the sick people that come in that you're around, that you see what they're there for, and you're like, man, I cannot fathom. What if that was my child? I could you would go above and beyond for your child. If you're say you are broke, say you have no money, you're gonna do anything you can. Say there's a gas station right down the road and you know they got money, you're gonna go out your way. You're gonna get money somebody, you're gonna provide for this child, and you're gonna go above and beyond for this kid, whether they look at you as, oh, my dad was the one that robbed that store, or my dad was the one that did this because of this this guy did to me.
SPEAKER_00So my dad got money to buy milk that night.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, and it's like my dad provided for me because of me, because he wanted to make sure I had everything that he couldn't. You know what I mean? That's the beauty of fatherhood. You're gonna go above and beyond, no matter what the case is, no matter if it's abuse or not having what you need to provide, you're gonna go above and beyond, regardless.
SPEAKER_00And it really, it's really hard to fathom, like, cause not only all the stuff that we've seen and all the stuff, but all the other people that we met that went through things, all the story, dude. I've heard so many stories. I can't fathom, like now, especially becoming a father, how you could do any of these things to a child, or how you could abuse and beat on a child until they're crying, until they're screaming and bleeding. My foster brother he sat there and he was locked in a cage and beat with an electric cord in a foster home. He got out of his abusive home to get abused more. To starve a child and put locks on fridges and threaten to call them like this happened to me. Locks on fridges, not allowed them to eat when they need to.
SPEAKER_02When you're and when you wouldn't go, you would wake up, see. I had that. It was a show, bro. We went through like literally, it's no coincidence that we're sitting here right now. I went through the exact same thing, bro. Not at all. My parents would put locks on cabinets, and when we wake up at three o'clock, two o'clock in the morning to go in and go down to the fucking cabinet and take something because we were hungry, they would consider that stealing. Stealing, y'all. They would call the fucking cops and sit there and say, Oh, he stole from me. And my stepmom and my real biological father did shit like that. Like they put locks on cabinets and we would steal like chips and noodles, and they called, they told us, Oh, we're gonna call the cops if y'all do. They actually called the fucking cops one time.
SPEAKER_00It was not a cop, they actually didn't.
SPEAKER_02And the cops with my case, the cops look was on the phone and was like, You're calling us because your kid stole a pack, a bag of chips. What kind of parent are you? Would hung up the phone because they wanted to put locks because they would fucking start, they would starve us as a punishment. Yeah, they would be like, Oh, you did this at school, or you did this, yeah. You're not eating tonight, you know what I'm saying? And then you would fucking go in, it'd be two o'clock in the morning, you're fucking starving your ass off. You're hoping they're asleep, so you'd run in the fucking kitchen try and grab something, and they'd fucking catch you or wake up, oh, this is going. Oh, he did it, and they consider that fucking stealing. Yeah, no, neither. That's crazy. No, it is. Keep in mind to those who are listening to this podcast, me and him didn't even talk about this. Like the things that me and him are connecting on right now, it is actually just it's mind-blowing, bro.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's our first time meeting too, talking anywhere.
SPEAKER_02First fucking day, bro. That's dope as shit.
SPEAKER_01Not dope, but you know what that was crazy too, bro? Like, I remember like I had a situation with my mom, like, it was over cheese. My mom whooped my ass or eating. She damn cheese, man. No, and I was like the whole thing too. It was like, it was like I I was just like, we have food at the house.
SPEAKER_00We had a house full of it. It was never the fact there was no food at the house.
SPEAKER_01There was a food, you couldn't have the food. No, that's what I was saying. That day what the day when my mom would let the food get expired in front of me, and then she would let me get and I was like, and like sodas. My dad would fucking be like, Oh, yeah, you can have more than one a day. You know, no, she was like, No, no, she'd be like, Yo, can't be drinking sodas. I'm like, Wow, y'all water drink water costs. I was like, Why would you buy the sodas and then wait until the sodas always get fucking expired? And then if we had fucking people over, you would give people the good sodas and then you fucking make the bad shit. No, no, they would give the good shit to me. No, it was so weird, bro. My mom was a fucking youth leader, so she would like pull. It was weird.
SPEAKER_00So when people came over, you got good treatment, but when nobody was there, yeah, bro.
SPEAKER_02They were trying to make themselves look good. Yeah, that's why my mom's why.
SPEAKER_00My great grandparents is fucking emmy for that shit.
SPEAKER_01And my mom became a youth leader, and the fact that she would like, oh, we would have sleepovers and all that, but the fact that my mom, and I'm not even saying I really don't, I wish to I I even when my mom died, I was like, I wish to God I was just making this shit up. I wish to God I'm just a spoiled fucking brat. I ain't fucking never went through no shit. I'm just fucking seeking attention. No, it's it's if people look at me, but like, like, I can tell you, and they they say like I have like dead eyes. Like you when you first met me, it's like, what the fuck are you talking about? Like, you went through some shit, and I think I haven't. I think I'm bullshitting. And it's crazy. I gotta get over that because it's like and look, I had some fucked up shit happening.
SPEAKER_02It's crazy to think all this stuff that they did to us was a form of punishment. Yeah, exactly. You did this at school, or you did something like that. I had wrong.
SPEAKER_01I had the right sentences, bro. I mean my mom, my mom made more. And I'm at one time. I don't know if I will not do this again. No, it was like I will not do this again. Yeah, yeah, it was fine.
SPEAKER_00And then she would beat my ass afterwards. Yeah. I said there, dude. I said, get your little ass over here to my little brother, because he would run out the fucking house all the time. He was mad because I got him and he snitched on me. If you're hearing this, I know you snitched on me.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, my brother would know. My brother would snitch on me. No, you wouldn't have fucked up. I was the youngest. No, it was you motherfuckers. I was the youngest, and my brother would like always fucking this nigga wouldn't.
SPEAKER_00They made me they made me write, I won't say ass 150 times.
SPEAKER_02I had to do 500. And see, look, that's the thing, like, and that's the thing about like when you have brothers and sisters, keep in mind that we're all going like with when you're with your brothers and sisters, we're all going through the same thing. It's not just us being treated this way. They're being treated that way, dude. But listen, we're both like, we're both trying to, you know what I'm saying? They would say your brother would snitch on you, or you would snitch on your brother, because you're trying to please your parents to like, look, I'm doing good. It's not me, you know what I mean? And then like now that we're older, like, even with my sisters, I'm sure y'all can relate, but with my sisters, like, we would always sit there and I'd laugh or crack a jib, like, remember that time you told that I did this and I got my ass beat for it. And it's like, Caleb, like my sister would even tell me, Kira, you know my sister, Blake, she'd be like, Caleb, I never even wanted to do it. I hope you know it was never even like that. It was just like I would get beat so much, like I wanted it off me.
SPEAKER_03I didn't want to get the beating today.
SPEAKER_02I would be, yeah, like I would put it on you, and like they didn't even want to do that. It's not like it's not where their heart was, but they were like, we're all getting beat, you know what I'm saying? And like we're snitching on each other trying to get it off us for the day. Like, I done got my ass beat for a week straight. Like, I'm taking the heat off me, you know what I'm saying? It's one of those things.
SPEAKER_01He has altitude. Because he was retarded, yeah. Yeah, and it's like the fact that like I like with any environment I went to when I went to school, I would get bullied. Like, boot, not normal bullying, like all fours, like the fact that I'm mixed, I got bullied. The fact that I was fucking fat as shit, like I had glass, I was a nerd, like all this shit, bro. And plus the fact my brother would do like crazy shit. Crazy shit. Like this nigga trying to kill himself in the fifth grade, bro. And crazy.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I got a similar situation with that where but I ain't gonna cut my cousin now. I love him to death. He is I love him so much. He has autism, he got a lot of problems. But and I fell into I fell victim of making fun of him for a little bit because I didn't want to end up in that situation where he did some crazy shit or acted weird and people made fun of me for it. So I was making fun of him.
SPEAKER_01No, I defended my brother, bro. Then that's the one thing that was fucked me up. It's just like but I love my brother. If I wasn't, see, with you though, Jacob, right?
SPEAKER_02You were just that's one of like you're just trying to fit in, bro. You know what I mean? But then that's what all of us are.
SPEAKER_01No, you're being honest, though. Like, and I respect you for that. Because it's like you don't have to sit in here and acting like, oh, I know I defend no, bro. Like, even with me, like, I didn't do the same. Hell no, I didn't fucking do that.
SPEAKER_02And see, we've all been put in that situation where we've had to fit in. We've had to fit in.
SPEAKER_01That's why I joined football to fit in, because I'm like, I don't want to be known as a school shooter, brother. So like I'm gonna join football.
SPEAKER_02So and even being locked up, being in group homes, like this is not nothing has nothing to do with being racial, but like when you're white going into jail, juvie, group homes, and stuff like that. Everybody thinks you'll everyone thinks you're a bitch, you automatically have a target on your back. Yeah, you know what I mean. So you have to, you automatically have to get right with the program, bro. You gotta fit in, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00Because I think you're gonna be small there, yeah.
SPEAKER_02And you see these people being victimized, you see these people as victims, like they're getting bullied, they're getting picked on. You're sitting there, man, that I can't have that happen. I'm gonna be humiliated my whole fucking time. And then I gotta remember for the rest of my life that I was humiliated at these places. And it goes to two things you're either gonna be a sheep or a wolf, you know what I'm saying? Like, I'm not gonna be a fucking sheep, I'm gonna be a wolf. And like, then you got certain people, you got old heads, they're like, Man, I've been doing this shit for so long, so nobody fucks with them. But people, and that's the thing with the generations now. People look at our younger generation and they're like, oh man, y'all are this and y'all are that. But the the timelines from then and the timelines from now are two different things. You got older people that lived in different timelines that are like, oh, I never did the shit that y'all were doing when I was that age. But y'all didn't grow up how we grew up. You see what I'm saying? Like, y'all grew up as things were easier. There weren't a lot of cameras, shit was a lot different, the politics were different. And now you got people, you know what I'm saying? At our age, we got so much social media going on. You know what I mean? Everybody has to point up has to prove a point, you know what I mean? Because if not, people are automatically, you got a target on your back. People gonna look at you like a bitch.
SPEAKER_00You have to prove yourself, bro, because social media got me at a young age. I fucking I sat there and I doubt for some reason I wasn't allowed to have a cellular device until I was like 14. No, I got my first functionable phone at 13 when I got put in false security, but I wasn't allowed to have nothing like that. So like I always craved to be on social media. I miss Vine. Fucked up as that.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, like Vine was shit, bro. I'm like, yeah, I fucking missed it.
SPEAKER_00I had to watch that show on the city. Like Mighty Duck and shit like that, bro. I had to watch them confirmations. So I never had nothing like that. You see Young Fly on. Yeah, yeah. But where are you going? Why are you running? Dude, I miss all the good stuff originally. So I'm sitting there, no device for so long that I ended up just craving to get on these what I'm hearing all my friends in school talk about. Hey, what's look on Instagram? You heard on Instagram? No. So I'm feeling like a fucking Dweet. Yeah, what's Snapchat? They show me I'm a dog in the fucking camera. No, that's cool. What the fuck? How the fuck you do that? So I sat here and finally I get a phone. I sneak a phone, and it's one of the old phones that my great grandfather had. I snuck it, downloaded everything on it, did, couldn't get off of it. So I fell victim into texting all day. Like, I'm not supposed to have it. I'm supposed to be sneaky. Hell no, I'm not being sticky at all. I'm downstairs all day. Just wide open. I'm doing that. Everything I ain't supposed to. I'm looking at porn. I do not give a damn.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. That's what I did. Well, for me, it was just the fact that I was just like, oh shit. Bitches give me attention on here. Yeah, but I was like, oh shit, has dude.
SPEAKER_00Just having friends, being able to talk to somebody was like, Hell yeah, no, that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01I would be on FaceTime for hours, bro. Cause like me, I would talk. Like, bro, like girls would be like, Blaze, you talk a lot. I'm like, I know. And like either that was like a good thing or a bad thing. And I would just be on there for hours. Hours. But dude, it's cause like I don't know about y'all. I was not allowed anywhere. I wasn't when I got home. I had to sneak out to go to the fucking.
SPEAKER_00Oh, if I snuck out, I wouldn't have made it back, dog. I would need damn.
SPEAKER_01No, my mom would beat my ass. No, my mom never found out because my mom fucking.
SPEAKER_00They would hit me with a fuck crossbow down the road, dog. Dog fucking, I wasn't allowed to go nowhere. I had one sleepover, but I don't even remember how it got messed up.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I did too. Only one. It was with church people.
SPEAKER_00It was with my white friend, really white family. Yeah, they were all white people. Yeah, me and my brother were the only name. That was actually a fun fact. The first time I ever went to church, and this was a little off topic, but then they started talking about how biracial couples, and fun fact, my two brothers are biracial. So when they started talking about how biracial couples are horrible, I was like, what the fuck? You know what was even worse? My white friends are over there, like, yes, amen.
SPEAKER_01I'm like, oh my god, dog. I'm gonna tell you.
SPEAKER_00Nigga, I went to school in L. My little brothers were in the car with me when I got dropped off.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, they probably don't know.
SPEAKER_00What do you mean? They saw they were black, they're over here agreeing. Biracial couples are trash in church.
SPEAKER_01But that's what I'm saying. They're not gonna go say that directly to your face. They just gonna think you're like, yeah, duh.
SPEAKER_00No, because it knows. I think they forgot I was sitting next to them.
SPEAKER_01No, but no, you only got you gotta understand that this is about white people. This comes from me. I look white as fuck, bro. You knew I was mixed with them.
SPEAKER_00I'm pretty Caucasian myself.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but the fact that, like, if you're anything at all, bro, like I can never be fully white. That's why white people be like, Blake, you're you're not even black, that bad black. Like, you don't deal with the same shit. Even black people tell me that. I'm like, nigga, I'm still not white, though. You understand? I don't get treated but like you kind of have the genetics behind it.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But like proof and shit.
SPEAKER_01No, that's all I'm saying. Like, they see me and I also don't tell them. I long see.
SPEAKER_02But see, like, that's what I was trying to say though before. Like nowadays, and nowadays generation, bro, being a certain race or being a certain color, you automatically have a target on your back. People automatically label you as a snitch, chomo, or he's a bitch, he's a crackhead. Oh, all them white dudes, they do drugs. Yeah, exactly. They go a bitch because I look white too.
SPEAKER_00Dude, and like it's not even on no weird shit, like on no racist stuff or none of that. Because like I sat here and I went to a dominantly black school. And look at all the group homes and the jubies that we were at. I was in a I was in a one of the group homes over in Roanoke. It was one in Roanoke. So I was in a group home in Roanoke, started a new school, it's public school when you're in a group home. So went to school, and I'm not gonna lie, they weren't hard. It was probably cringe, but I thought they were hard. And they were like checkered, they're black pants, right? And then the other half was checkerboard. I got them there. Five fuck fit me good. Warden bitches to school, and I'm over here anxious, so I'm shaking and shit in class. This black girl, they over here, these all these black girls start cracking up. I'm like, what the fuck? They like, hey, you alright, kid? And I'm thinking they're genuinely concerned. So I look up smiling. I'm like, oh yeah, I'm okay. Thank you for asking. They said, oh good. Cause you're looking like you're about to shoot up the school over there.
SPEAKER_01Oh I was like, I'm always broke.
SPEAKER_00I was like, huh? I imagine. No, no, no, listen. I was like, huh? I was like, what do you mean? I was like, I'm I'm like, I'm not even like that. They were like, oh, so what are you? A white thug? I said, so I looked at myself, so I'm either a school shooter or a thug. How the fuck does that make sense?
SPEAKER_02And that's what I was saying about the labels, bro. Being a certain color nowadays, you automatically have a label on you, bro. And that's that's the fucked up part. Like, that's the that's what's wrong with today's society. That's what the government, honestly, that that's what the government wants you all to think. That's what the government wants everybody to think. They win by us all not sticking together. Dude, people don't like the everybody don't understand if us as people, we the people, if we all come together, bro, and we all stick together, no matter what race, color, whatever religion you are, if we all come together, bro, the government can't beat us with everything going on. Black lives matter and everything, like they want people to be against each other, bro. If we was all together, you know what I'm saying, we would be perfect. We would, we would they couldn't do nothing.
SPEAKER_00That's why they brainwashed our generation because our generation brainwashed is the fucking work, yeah. Our generation could have been one of the greatest, but look at all of we are the new generation, bro.
SPEAKER_02We are the ones that like we're supposed to, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_00Like change the narrative have that potential, yes, exactly. Break the cycle, change the narrative. We bro, I ain't gonna cap. I haven't met many people that actually have had a good childhood that have went that are our age. A lot of them have been through shit, and if they haven't been through what we've been through, even if they're fucking rich, their mom and dad was never around. You know what I mean? They couldn't.
SPEAKER_02But their dad did this, their dad was on drugs, and their mom did this, cheated on her dad, and their fucking mom. Her dad was a crackhead or beat up his mom. Like, there's always some backstory.
SPEAKER_00It's never no richie rich little white kid out there nowadays, a little black kid Mexican, no matter.
SPEAKER_01No, I grew up seeing that. That's one thing I when I live to Mess Nutton, I saw that. I saw everyone else around me, because that I like that's all I'm saying. It depends on what environment and who you being with. Well, that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_00It don't matter what environment, our age, but yeah, they always they're still going through today's society.
SPEAKER_01Exactly. But like in terms of levels, though, there's always levels to it, yeah.
SPEAKER_00But we all can relate to each other on a certain way. If we really all if all of our generation sat down and talked to each other, there's a way I could connect to you and you can. And we literally had to do that.
SPEAKER_02And that's the problem. And that's the problem today. Everybody just has to prove a point, bro, because they want to feel like they're the egos and everything. Everybody wants to be so.
SPEAKER_00If we unify, like you said, if we unified and we all just wanted to actually accomplish something, we could, but we're too busy worrying about am I gonna make a million dollars? Am I gonna be the next best social media star? Am I gonna have the next thousand followers on TikTok? Oh fuck. I got 10 likes on this post, but this one got five.
SPEAKER_02If I gotta say fuck my best friend that I've known since I was if I gotta say fucking drop my parents or all that just to become what I just to become this, yeah.
SPEAKER_00You will. You want me to quit my job and go sell my pussy on the side of the road the only bus model I'm doing.
SPEAKER_02Fuck you.
SPEAKER_00You want me to become Cassie from Euphoria right now? I will. Fuck you. And don't get me wrong, if you can make seven million dollars in a month, I credit you that.
SPEAKER_02Bro, in today's society, you got really you got no choice, bro, because take it from somebody I work at Subway, I'm fucking doing, I'm making bare minimum, bro. I make enough to pay rent, put food on the table, and I barely get enough money to make my I get tattoos here and there. I barely get enough money to do that. You know what I mean? But in today's society, it's all about just getting by, bro. Like minimum wage and just all this shit. We're not making enough, like surviving.
SPEAKER_00A lot of that is a a lot of that is how we not us, not us sitting at this table, not you listening to it specifically, not everybody, but a certain group of people at a certain point gave up and stopped trying and let everything go downhill. Now everything's expensive. We got people eating children and fucking pedophiles in office, Epstein files and all this crazy. We got shit fucking having freak offs for fucking 10 plus years, raping Jesse Bieber and shit. Calling people daddy and shit. Dan Schneider raped all of Nickelodeon.
SPEAKER_01Everyone's getting fucked up, all everyone's getting abused, and now it's just like I and but now we can't think now we're in a we're in a fucking crater.
SPEAKER_00We're the damn crater's been blown up three times. It's that deep. Matter of fact, we're to the core and we can't get out of it. Yeah, it's to a point where everyone can't take all that back.
SPEAKER_01It feels like everyone's abused. That's what I'm saying. That's all even the people that were doing the abuse have been abused before. Beyond the thinking, dude, this just been happening for years. Here's the thing beyond the repeating a cycle, they made a whole nother kind of evil. Oh, yeah. That's what I'm saying. They took there was a certain evil that created a bigger evil that created the city. That's all I'm saying. I was just worried about like, oh, everything that's getting this about kids. No, bro. It's deeper.
SPEAKER_00It's not all about kids. It's like it's deeper than that. It's deeper than that. Fucking, there's just there's so much going on in the world that it's just to the point where you don't really know. You don't know what's gonna happen next. You don't know where to set here and like where to trot. You're just distracted. That's why so many people distract themselves on the next fall, the next disc, and they just don't know how to move forward. But if we stopped worrying about that, if we wanted to open a business, if we wanted to set here, I always tell people who's gonna open the next Walmart? Who's gonna be the next McDonald's? Who's the next topic? Oh, yeah, nobody was. All these shits you go to aren't gonna be here one day. Yeah, who's gonna be the next governor? Because that nigga gonna die one day. Who's gonna be the next this? Who's gonna we're all gonna be 50, 60 one day, and what does that make Trump and fucking Biden and whoever else is running in office? A hundred, they can't run no more. We gotta run eventually, right? Somebody gotta run. If nobody is gonna take this, if nobody's gonna put their fucking phone down and learn to do that, cool. And I say that to anybody that's on their phone, a blue-collared worker who thinks that they're stuck with this life forever, that they have to mine the pickaxe or they have to fucking scoop the shovel. You don't have to.
SPEAKER_01You can get other ways to make bread, bro.
SPEAKER_00I've been and I'm not saying it's bad that you do that, but I guarantee you they're 50 50 that enjoy it and that don't. That 50 that doesn't enjoy it needs to break out of that box before they're just miserable, before they become a problem. Nigga, you sit here and you think that you have a Happy life at work, you'll come home happy, right? If you have a miserable life at work, you're gonna come home and beat your wife. You're gonna come home and you're gonna sit there and you're gonna get mad at your kids. You're gonna sit there and you are gonna get upset. You might beat up yourself. You might hit walls. You might get drunk.
SPEAKER_01You might self-destruction because you're not doing it's you're not aligned with what you really want and life. Yes.
SPEAKER_00And that's why I completely say, I completely, Jesus, bro, you have to. I try not to push it on a lot of people.
SPEAKER_01No, and I had a have you always, I always had you tell me when I first met you about going to church. And I ain't gonna frighten it.
SPEAKER_00I can church regularly, but I pray every day and everything I don't take for granted, nothing. I don't take responsibility for a lot. He did it.
SPEAKER_02And that's the thing, you don't have to go to church every day just to be a diehard Christian. You know what that makes me? Your faith could be the size of a mustard seed, bro. And as long as you have that little faith, that little faith, the size of like the mustard seed, it grows so big, bro. Like it don't matter what the what the size, if you got faith, that's all that matters. You don't have to be one of those Christians that go to church every day. Because there's people that go to church every other every Sunday or every other day that are miserable that are not. Sin right after. Sin right after. You just have to be right with your heart and right with Jesus, no matter what, even if you don't go to church.
SPEAKER_00If something's going wrong, I put my faith in God and God picks me back up. And I have literal examples of that just from recently. Me and my girlfriend just got kicked out of our apartment. Dude, we're sitting here at all in June, March, April, May, June. March. Don't judge me, guys. Mar no, April 31st. Look, don't judge me. All right. April 31st, I'm sitting there. No, May 30. Damn, look, bro, guys, look. I'm it's been a long couple months, alright? Shit, if I told you everything between these months, you'd understand why I'm swog. All right. May 31st, I'm sitting there. We supposed to be out June 1st. We've texted our landlord. We tried to get an extension. He has not messaged us back. We prayed. We prayed. I had an Airbnb, $2,500 for a whole month. It was cheaper than everything else. Picked out, right? I went that night because we still 12 o'clock that night, ain't heard nothing. It's fucking the next day, technically. We supposed to be out. Right? I sat there, we prayed about it one more time, and I was like, let me just go ahead and get this Airbnb since we ain't hear nothing back. It's going off the market. I gotta pay $5,000 now. I'm like, I'm not doing that. I'm like, we'll figure it out another way. Right? So I prayed about it. Woke up the next day, 9 a.m. on the dot. Hey, y'all are y'all can stay another month. It's okay. Just come by and pay the rent. Literally had no evidence that was not gonna happen. They were upset with us. They wanted us out. Bam prayed about it that night. Next morning woke up. Damn. Me and my girlfriend are in the middle of the argument. Same same situation. Got kicked out of the apartment. We are in an argument, actively upset because we don't know what the hell we're gonna do. We just found out we got kicked out, right? So now we need an apartment. But it was so hard to get this one, right? So how are we gonna find someone so quick? Literal ding. As we're why can't we just or she was literally in the middle of saying, I don't understand why you can't do anything, we can't get this damn apartment. Ding. Look down. Y'all have been accepted to this apartment. Can't when would y'all like to come view it?
SPEAKER_01Oh shit. So literally, right in the middle of the day. That's literally what I had a little bit. No, and I had a situation like Caleb can talk about because he was there with me. I was at his house. I literally was about to move in with my friend. Um and I'm not trying to talk down on him. I still had love for him and stuff. It was not a good situation for me. And I did not know what I was gonna do. And it's like I even told him, I said, I might be fucking up. I might fuck up. I might be being stupid. He might be right. You I might be the fucking insecure as well. I might fucking be you like I've I fucked up. You were right, I'm a piece of shit, whatever. But I'm gonna take, I'm gonna try to take that chance because I know in my soul, like, this is not right. This is like that was not okay for you to do to me. And not just that particular thing. It was just like the full friendship in general. It's like this is not cool, bro. You're my brother, why would you do this to me? And it's not, it's like I don't have to hate you. I have no hate in my heart towards them. I just don't want to, I just gotta do my own thing. You know, and that's my whole thing. The only reason I was supposed to be with this person is because they was supposed to help me be able to eventually move on to get my own spy. The only reason I wasn't gonna because I didn't want to live my dad no more. That's the only reason I was gonna do it. And then I'm like, bro, I got my own money to do it. Why can I not just get my own spot? You able to get your own spy. Yes, it might be, yes, it's gonna probably make you fucking pissed off. But it's like you shouldn't make it where I feel like I you're gonna hurt me if I don't move in with you.
SPEAKER_00I was about to say that that's if he showed you that true color right before that's about to happen. That's God. That was God forcing him to share that true color. That was God sitting there saying, Blake, you need to see this before you make a stupid decision. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, it was with that girl too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it could have been hidden. Nobody could have known about it. Nobody, he could have, you could have never found out that he followed her and it would have you would have moved in. He's saying you know he could have been cheating.
SPEAKER_02No, no, so it was walking.
SPEAKER_01She's he's sitting there fucking Yeah I know and my whole thing, it wasn't even on that. No, my whole thing about that whole situation, bro. It's not even about that, bro. That wasn't even the main, it was it's a disrespect that he gave you to sit there.
SPEAKER_00It was just the final thing as a friend to add somebody that you just brought him around for the first time to sit there and behind your back say, Oh, I want to add myself to this friend group when you already explicitly said, I kind of like this girl. Hey, I'm gonna bring her by. As a friend, as me, you said that to me, nigga, I'm probably gonna leave. Like you have your alone time. I might introduce myself, dah, but I'm getting dressed, I'm dipping the fuck out. That's respectful.
SPEAKER_02And it shows where he's at as a home guy.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and that's all right, and I saw that, and I never did that to him. And it's like my whole thing, my whole time as he kept on telling me, he's like, Blake, he's like, Oh, it's not that big of a deal. It's like, and I was just like, What are you talking about? I was like, bro, the whole time I've known you, if I would have done that to you, he would have fucking hurt me, actually hurt me. Not just, oh, stop fucking with me, put hands on me, fuck me up, kind of shit.
SPEAKER_00And the fact that, first of all, the fact that you even thought he would do that, that's not a real friend. That's not a real friend at all. So the fact that opened your mind up to you even being able to admit that, again, that's God showing you, hey, dude, is this he's making you question, is this a good idea? Are we actually friends? Are we homies? If I was in this situation, I wouldn't do that to you. But if I did, you would fit violently hurt me. That see, that wouldn't make sense.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and I'm I had a therapist literally tell me is if anyone else was in that situation, what would how would they react? I told y'all about it. And y'all would be like, oh hell no. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_00You have my if you're supposed to be my homie, you have my girl.
SPEAKER_01As soon as I told you about it, you're like, Blake, what the fuck are you talking about?
SPEAKER_02If that was my wife, yeah, no, that's dead. But look, see, the certain things are different, though. You've messaged my girl before when I was locked up. Now, like on the that kind of sounds weird, just throwing that out there. But like talking about, hey, if Caleb needs anything or whatever. And I didn't have that back. No, that's it. Or if my chick was asking you for advice, hey, like, whatever. That's different.
SPEAKER_00You proved you've had boundaries. Like you respect and boundaries for people's. Yeah, and I didn't do it.
SPEAKER_01And even that's a whole day too. I'll be like, hey yo, dog, as soon as like I see you ever text me, I would call him, be like, hey yo, but that's actually what the fuck I said.
SPEAKER_02And it shows that the fact for this dude to go out of his way, you know what I'm saying, just to add your girl, person.
SPEAKER_01He told me too.
SPEAKER_00He fly out into my face that he did it like it was normal. And it's not even after a certain point of friendship that you even need to do that all, letting people know and stuff, but it's the fact that even if you do, it's good because it leaves no questions, it leaves no insecurity, even if you're not insecure, no reinsurance that you need from anybody that nothing ever happened and everything like that. Because at the end of the day, you can sit here and you can say, no, we're just friends, and bam, that one day you just ain't friends no more.
SPEAKER_01You no, no, you know what I mean though. That was crazy. It was just like my whole situation is this is the first time I ever bought any girl in general.
SPEAKER_02You thought you were comfortable.
SPEAKER_01You thought that was like no, and I never had like that. And that fact, and this whole situation was a really the situation with this girl was like really, I'm not gonna go into it because it's like really fucking it really traumatized me. Made me realize that I need to work on my part of the reason why I'm going to therapy, not gonna lie.
SPEAKER_02But for this to be an eye-opener for you, for god for God to put this chapter in your life for you to open your eyes and see like Jacob was just saying, like he did that for a reason to show you like that wasn't your true that wasn't your true thing.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you can't tell defending dude and I sat with you for hours on.
SPEAKER_02And the fact that you didn't even want to, you didn't even want to like you you didn't want to think that's how he was. Like you kept trying to like find solutions. Nah, man, maybe he just did it because of this, or maybe he was really trying to be friendly. But the fact that he did that, it just it automatically showed right then and there, like you you don't do that. There's certain boundaries, bro, that you don't cross. You just don't go out of your way to add somebody, your homeboy, your homeboy's girl. You don't do that.
SPEAKER_00Like, is it's a situation I had with somebody I was hanging out pretty consistently with. Like me and my girlfriend, we had a little disagreement. She went and stayed elsewhere for a certain amount of time. That was the last time I was on the podcast. All of a sudden, my girlfriend has videos of me and her on TikTok, and then in the midst of it, she got a little cute videos of her. So tell me why that homie that's coming over every day, and we're smoking up, blazing up, talking. As soon as he knows me and my girlfriend are on bad terms, he's scrolling through her TikTok and likes an old video of just her surrounded by pictures and videos of me and her doing cute shit, but he likes the one of her doing cute stuff by herself.
SPEAKER_02And see, that's the thing with females though. They like I can vouch for that too. Like, I my girl, my wife, she'll post video girls. They're gonna post videos of themselves, and it's nothing personal. That's a girl thing, bro. They want to show their beauty off, you know what I mean, and not just to show her beauty off to get attention from other dudes, they want to feel pretty, they want to, do you know what I'm saying, express I'm a good looking girl, you know what I mean? And for dudes, and that's the fucked up thing about people our generation nowadays, dudes will go out of their way to act like you're they're your homie just because they're feeling horny someday or be like, oh, I'm trying to fuck something. They'll go out of their way just to get in your business and you feeling like you trust them, you're like, yo, bro, me and my girl, man, we're getting into it. She's gonna go out there. You have your fucking business. You tell him, fuck you.
SPEAKER_00You grab that phone, you grab that phone, you you go through the phone, you beat that nigga. Yeah. If you get if your girl gets that text, that motherfucker on the other end do not care how y'all doing. He waiting for the moment that y'all are bad, and you just better hope that she's not hoping for the same.
SPEAKER_01And I and that's like the craziest shit too. It's just like, y'all know me as long as y'all know me. Y'all, I yes, I'm a hoe. I've fucked a lot of girls, but I've never thought in my life to ever try to fuck none of y'all's fucking girlfriends. Because something I would never fucking want to do because y'all my brother. And see, like now that I haven't even said that. That's crazy.
SPEAKER_02But now that he him becoming a father now, you know what I'm saying? Like, when you have a child, like even if you love a girl for so long, like y'all moved in, like y'all moved in. This is probably the first girl y'all had you had your own place with, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? This is how it is for my wife. And it's like the fact that you're having a kid with this girl too. Like, me had with my baby mama, if somebody was go out their way to try and mess with this girl or do anything like that, bro. My mind, the things that we've been through, the things that I've been through, I automatically resort to violence.
SPEAKER_00If this dude messes with my girl or he goes out of his way to have my girl, like it's not even that I don't trust, like she's gonna make the right decision. My girlfriend, every time she's gonna ignore it. But it's the fact that you have the audacity to be like to disrespect me like that. Now, if you're a random stranger, I ain't gonna get fucking mad. But if it's somebody that ignores it.
SPEAKER_02I'm still gonna be pushed off, granted. Yeah, but it's like he doesn't know much. He's an outsider, man.
SPEAKER_00I'm gonna just remove it and move on, you know what I mean? But if it's somebody that like I deliver to, or if it's somebody that I hang out with, smoke up with, come by here, now I see that they adding her, they trying to holler at her, they call her beautiful, which it's happening happened a few times. It's happened, yeah. I've had a few different I've had, but there's always people that aren't consistent, and I'm not really close to it, so it's not like I ever see them again. Dude, it does sit there, and if they have if they ever did that, bro, it's just the principle of the disrespect. You know we're in a six-year relationship, and you're still gonna try to sit there and holler at her. Yeah, because you're so you act like I don't fucking exist.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and also you think all the fact that you're not gonna do anything about it. Yeah, that's why they do it, because they think you're not gonna do anything.
SPEAKER_00And as a grown man, what can you fucking? You can't beat every nigga that fucking holler at that.
SPEAKER_01No, exactly. It's all up to her to not do that shit in the first place. She don't have to answer it at all.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. But I bet if you do a if you keep on going and pushing with it, you're gonna have to see. You definitely gonna have to see. If I text you one time, don't text it again. Hey, you keep going and you keep going, you keep it asking for it. Yeah, it's a different type of respect. Like when I see you, we're gonna talk. And if you're not got you don't got the same energy, then hey, what's up? You know what I mean? Just stop. Either stop or put in the same energy in person. Set there and try to take it. I want you to. I want you to. That's a reason, right? That's a reason. I want you to. But having a kid though, thinking about these things, it definitely puts it into perspective because you your kid's gonna be either the one doing it one day, hurting somebody, or they could be that friend that makes the bad decision to add their friend's girlfriend and try to do it, dude. I'm not gonna cut thinking about all those things that could happen, like the scenarios and the lessons that I'm gonna have to teach my kid to make them a good man, is like it's crazy. Because people only do that when they're unfortunately not taught those lessons by their father as a kid. As a fat a father should teach you your friend, your brother, whoever you call friend, you don't stab them in the back. You don't do foul shit to them. Now, if you don't consider them a friend, I guess you do whatever you want.
SPEAKER_01But I don't know. Yeah, it's still fucked. And even for me, for a stranger, like I I meant one time, bro. I it's gonna sound really fucked up to me. So I remember when I this is part of my fucking problem, fucking Tinder. So I'm at one time, this girl I matched with, I was like, all right. She was just like, oh, hey, you want to meet up? I was like, all right, cool. She's like, oh, like it's not how true love starts, but we're just saying, guys. Nigga, I wasn't fucking for love in that situation. This being honest, I was I'm being a house. So I'm gonna tinder for the Tinder's name. They come over to my house and like literally lived on the same shoe, so I picked. So like I'll I'll drive over. I and I had a broken foot at the time. So I talked about it. I had a broken, no, I had a I had a broken.
SPEAKER_00Tender was like, yeah, y'all go fuck. Yeah, for me, it was like, you know what? Hell yeah. I think I app facilitating that's pretty odd.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, 50 million. Anyways, but fucking I had a broken foot and all that shit. And then this girl, she's like, Oh. She waddle over there? Yeah, hell yeah. I scooted. I don't like there, I had a boot, and I was like, she told me to get on the bed. Like, we started doing our thing. She went like, oh, I want you to record it. I was like, what? It's like I ain't I can I don't care. So like I did that shit. And then immediately after we get done, she's just oh, oh yeah, you gotta go. My boyfriend's fabric shit. And then I was like, oh my god, see, my son would never be on the other end of the day. And I know the fact that as soon as I heard that shit, my heart fucking dropped. Oh like, oh my whole motherfucking. But at the end of the day for men though, like that no, that's on fact, that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_00Like it's one of those things where the fact that you felt that it shows like you have a certain you have moral, you have a moral.
SPEAKER_01I would not go on my way to go do that shit, though. That's just yeah, no, that's fucked up, bro.
SPEAKER_00No, exactly.
SPEAKER_01That's intentionally starting beef with the shit. And I I think she peaked that too, because like she saw that, like, I wasn't cool with that shit, and she's just like, oh nah, I'm dope. Bitch, yeah, obviously, because you just went here and it's made and recorded. And the fact that if he likes that, that's weird. Oh, he was a cup. No, that's all I'm saying. I don't know if that's true. He wouldn't have been. Because no, no, no, imagine if he wasn't and she just recorded because she just wants to get eventually, or she's just a fucking hoe. And she and I was like, girl. No face, no case, right? No, that's what I'm saying. I'm about to say that as a knock against her, because I'm like, Did you have no face? No, nigga. You idiot. I didn't have my face in it. Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_00No face, no case.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I'm like, she not, she's in full zoo. She didn't care, obviously. Actually, she made it, it was recorded on her problems. I was like, yeah, what? We wild in there. It's like and dude, I've had so many situations. I'm just like, bro, if I tell people this shit, everyone thinks I'm gonna make it up. And I'll tell you about the shit I do in your life, yeah. And then I look at you and I'm like, no.
SPEAKER_00Newer generation's lucky, they got all these meta glasses and these fucking fancy dancy iPhones, 4K cameras and shit. They get to record all their shenanigans. I talk about shit and people look at me like I'm lying. I'm like, dog, no, it happened, I swear. I know I swear Jimmy beat Ricky with a pole until he almost died, right there in front of his. I don't know what to tell you.
SPEAKER_01No, even with it.
SPEAKER_00Just gotta take my word for that.
SPEAKER_01Exactly, too. And that was what I mean. I finally just got to a point where it's just like, all right, bro, bro, at the end of the day, yeah, it's cool doing all these things, but like nigga, I've never been in a relationship, bro. I'm much y'all got relationships. I don't have a girl, I'm much as many girls I've had sex with, like, bro, I have never been sex. Sex is like the least fucking important thing. Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_02I realize that because it's fucking especially like like for me and Jacob, like he's been with his girl for what, six years. I've been my with my my with my wife, I've been with her since I was like 14, bro. Congratulations like me and me sex. When you when you've been with somebody for that long, you realize like sex is sex. I mean, yeah, no, and it's fun. No, that's why. That's not a part of the relationship to an extent. And it's like no, that's why my whole thing is. It's not always the thing that's connecting, like he just said, it's the connection with that girl, bro. Loyalty, the love, the faith.
SPEAKER_01No, that's what fucked it up with me with the girl that I was talking to. It's because as soon as my homie did that, it ruined because she was a good girl. But at the end of the day, in a way that she was still toxic as fuck.
SPEAKER_00She wasn't. If you can even say toxic in the first week, that's not good. Yeah, the first week, all right. If you want to talk, we wanna bring up love. So he said 14, 15, me and my girlfriend have been together since 15 and 15.
SPEAKER_01My shit was just going process.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, bro. So, first of all, you're in a whole different realm of love, dog. You're in adult dating now, you're not in high school anymore.
SPEAKER_01I never had adult dating at all.
SPEAKER_00You are an adult dating now, though. You're an adult dating now. No, no, I'm talking about high school dating, man.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you never had a so I had nothing. I'm like, I'm fucked.
SPEAKER_00But it's completely different. So adult dating, you gotta be you. You gotta already have a life going on, you gotta already have shit happening for you, and then you include another person into it while they also have their own shit going on, their own life, right? And y'all just kind of blend well. When you're when you start young with a relationship, you can kind of build up there, right? You start from nothing together. It's like baking. You gotta make you gotta start with this, cream it, then you gotta put this in that bitch. I'm a baker, by the way. But you gotta cream it, you gotta put this in, you gotta put this in, you gotta bake it for a little bit, right? But that's not done yet. You gotta let it set, then you can decorate it, right? Still ain't fucking done. You gotta let it build, you gotta let it bake, right? So we had time to do that as kids. So that time zipped by, right? All of that stuff that you have to do now, pay taxes and bills and all that shit. We didn't have to do that as kids. We had to go on little dates, and our parents got to facilitate shit, and we got to go to the park and walk, and all that stuff was fund us. You're in a position where if I walk in the park right now, I might lose time of my day to actually get productive shit done. So dates and stuff aren't that easy, right? Yeah, you're not gonna find love easy. You're first of all, in my opinion, the only reason why I found love at such a young age is because I needed it. God let me meet my girlfriend because we were two people that needed each other. She was alone. Bro, by the time she was 15 and she got her own job, she had a workers' permit and everything, she was buying her own her own deodorant, her own everything. 15 years old. She's just getting a workers' permit because she saw me working at 16. She wasn't, she didn't think she was gonna have to pay for her own food. She's still a kid. They immediately just started not that her parents are bad or anything, they're amazing people, but they were like, Oh, she's grown.
SPEAKER_01She's being on this because they're like, oh, all right, they might try not to they might try to spend the money on themselves.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so we grew together. You now have to, now you and I have to find somebody that oh, that's what I was getting to. We were two people that needed each other. We were two people that were going through horrible times that actually needed needed each other. You, a female is obviously not what you needed, or God would have given you that, right?
SPEAKER_02But you need other things, bro. And it ain't no.
SPEAKER_00You needed to find yourself because you didn't find you didn't know who you were. Do I know who I am 100% yet? No, just Caleb, probably not. We're all still figuring it out. But in retrospect, I know that my whole my life, I want to help people. I want to, I want to sit here and I want to be a father. I've always wanted to be a father. I want to be a great guy, I want to be a businessman.
SPEAKER_02That's every man's dream is to be a father, bro, to raise a kid.
SPEAKER_00That's every man's dream.
SPEAKER_01The one thing I think for the longest time I didn't want to be a father. I still I'm still skidding thing about people.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and you also didn't know in high school, nigga, you said you were a nerd and all this. Look at you now, you big motherfucker. He you strong as hell, you not no nerd no more. Ain't nobody go pick on you now, right? You a girl was not gonna give you that. A girl's gonna make you fatter, dog. Shit. I was I had a six-pack when I got with my girlfriend. I tell you, I ain't got that now. It will make you fatter. You would if you had found love, you wouldn't have found who you were, right? Now you're finding yourself. You got the podcast, got all this, it's pretty fucking cool, right? Now's your opportunity where you could bring, introduce love, and God might give it to you because you're at a point where you can actually accept it now. You're starting to love yourself now, you're starting to accept things, be proud of yourself now. For one, it doesn't start with a text. Those are bad. Sorry, Toxic Latina's not true. I'm sorry.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_00But it does start somewhere out in the real world. You as much as you're getting out there, you're gonna find it, bro. And it might not be in this town, it might be in Indianapolis or a trip you go on, dog. You might never come back. There's people that go on trips and meet the love of their life, bro.
SPEAKER_02They start a family there.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, they stay right there. But just be on the look, but not the search. You know, don't be actively every female. Is this the one? Oh my god, does she want to fuck me? Is this the one? She wants to date me. No. When you feel those vibes, when you feel when you find your best friend first, when you find your best friend first, and then your girlfriend, that that's when you know you got the one. Me and my girlfriend, we kind of just hung out one time and never stopped. I look at hung out on a trampoline. Said, you wanna be my girlfriend? She said, Yeah. Gave her a necklace with my name on it. Fell in love, kissed, fell in love after that. We literally have not stopped. We've had no breakups. No break. One week she stayed somewhere else out of six years. That's love, dog. Every time I thought sitting there, Barris is fucking the floor, right? And Barris is a motherfucker having to have my foster parents watch us hang out, right? I'm thinking she's about to sit there and say, Dad, please come pick me up. This is so embarrassing. She's arguing with her dad because she said, Hey, dad, Jacob's upset right now. His foster parents are being assholes. Can I stay longer? Every time she did, every time I thought she was doing one thing, she did the opposite. She proved me wrong. She proved me that she was different. So when you get that, that's how you know you got love. When you sat there and think that girl wants to leave you, she's actually trying to stay longer. When she when you think she don't want to do that hobby that you enjoy, she'll actually want to do that hobby you enjoy.
SPEAKER_01And that's the thing. I think now is the first time I I'm now finally accepting compliments, bro. I had a whole spill where I was like, I had people, and that's sound, and I'm not even. My friends don't give you that many of the nah. No, I'm just saying I had people, and I'm not even just saying compliments about this whole book. So I'm talking about like how I act, where how I treat people, even homeless people. That's because you're growing, bro.
SPEAKER_00You went from trying to be a little cockhead, a fucking little thug, minister of society, whatever you try to be as a kid to a well-spoken gentleman. That's way more respectful than any little proulum little motherfucker would ever be. And that's no disrespect to anybody that's gotta thug it out right now.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I know. I noticed that shit too. It's like, damn, bro. I was like, I really was a person that was not gonna fucking do anything for my community. I was taking even though I never hurt someone directly anymore. You were just not gonna be somebody productive. Exactly. I was the same, it was wasted potential. I was like, Wow, I was like, damn, I was either waste of potential.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I was either going to hurt somebody, sell your mom crack, or get hurt, or get hurt. So fucking there, there was literally not many options. Like, all I wanted all I wanted was drugs and money as a kid, and if you fucked with me, I was gonna hurt you. And I wasn't on no guns and stuff like that as a kid. Nigga, I'll chop your fucking nuts off with a knife and go send it to your mom. Yeah what I mean. I'll throw you in a fish tank, let you get ate by a shark. I don't care. That's how I was as a kid, it just didn't matter. You were gonna get hurt if you mess with me in the most violent and unfair way. Yeah, we can fight it out, but at the end of it, I'll hit you like fucking devo.
SPEAKER_01No, that but that one thing I realized with that, like I noticed with every single person that's been abused, they go to extremes of violence. Like with me, when I after I fucking was going through my shit, I was making weapons in the room. I had I had I would put a knife under my bed because I felt unsafe.
SPEAKER_00It wasn't really like extreme. Once I turned fucking, I got tired of being tossed around. So I was already being tossed around at home, so I ain't gonna be tossed around no more. You know what I mean? So if you're my age, you definitely ain't gonna toss me around. And then if you're a little bit older than me, after I turned 13, I fucking I vowed never let a grown-ass man touch me again. I didn't give a fuck if you were 65 years old. I'm breaking your kneecaps. I don't give a fuck. I ain't care at all. But and that's not how I am at all anymore. That's what I was saying. You have to grow up. Who I am now versus when I was fucking 13, 14, 15, like that that is completely different. Like, why as myself want to see myself wearing nothing, like maybe some nice distressed jeans with some clean air forces. I want new Air Forces every day that'll keep my little thuggish part of me. But I want polos and nice watches and wearing suits now.
SPEAKER_01Like, I'm like I want to dress popular, like I want to have my own style, but I want to be professional. Yeah, dude, both. You get no, that's one thing I learned with this. I still will wear street clothes. Like, even when I'll learn this podcast, even if I become a professional, I'm still gonna cuss. I'm still gonna be a nigga, bro.
SPEAKER_00It's not professionalism isn't about that. So, first of all, it's about code switch, you always gotta code switch. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, honestly. It's about like my first of all, morals. A lot of people don't have morals. If I can look at you as a human being and see you have morals, like you're just a respectful person. That lady dropped a cup over there, you helped her pick it up. I'ma immediately feel like you're more of a man than the nigga that sat there and dumb bitch, laughed at her and shit. And so then you sit here and hi, how are you, rather than yo, what's up, guy? You hit me with the hi, how are you, when I first met you, rather than what's up, dude. And then you hit me with the if you can hit me with a proper handshake, manly handshake, all right, cool. It's not all about talking. I don't give a fuck if you sit here and say fuck shit, pissed bitch. Like I say it all the time too. It's a part of the world. It's probably a seven-year-old that cusses worse than us, all right? It's about how you hold yourself, how you present yourself. Are you well dressed? And even I'll say this right now, Adam Sandler is another example. You don't gotta be well dressed to be the man, to be a fucking millionaire. I walk out the house and fucking no socks, a pair of beat-ass Air Forces, shorts that I wore fucking six years, and a dingy t-shirt. Dog, I promise you I can show you 10 bands right now. I promise you. And I'm 10 bands is nowhere near enough. I'm not rich guys, I promise. It's light work. But anyway, it's about how I present. It's about how I present. Like when you talk to me, when you talk to my bummy ass, and I look like I'm gonna talk to you like this and be all weird. No. Hi, dude. How are you? Oh, yeah, it's nice to meet you. I'm Jay. Cool. Yeah, I can do that for you. All right, thank you, brother. All right, you have a great day. When you're expecting, uh yeah, what do you what do you want?
SPEAKER_01Hey yo, what up, buddy? How you y'all get? Yeah, you're good? Nah, alright. Nah, get the fuck off soon, bro. Like, that's how some niggas be, bro.
SPEAKER_00And it's like, it's like nigga, I talk to anybody. I've talked to you gotta be able to, it's about how you talk to a certain can you talk, first of all. Yeah, can you get a conversation out? Can you sit there and keep flowing and keep going? Can you sit there and pick up on cues? If I'm sitting here talking about I like Pokemon, can you sit there and somehow think of a Pokemon that you've heard of to keep the conversation going? You don't like Pokemon, but why are you gonna sit there and be a dickhead when you could just sit there and continue the conversation and then move on? Because at the end of the day, that person you just had that conversation with could be the person you're about to go do an interview with, or that's the person that signs your checks at the end of the day, or that person could just simply want to kill themselves and you stop them. There's no reason to be an asshole to everybody. That's another thing. If you can be respectful to everybody that you meet, that immediately shows professionalism. It's so all about your aura and it's all about how you present yourself and about how you actually are as a human. Also listening to people.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Also, the fact is at the end of the day, I've realized that like with myself, it's like it is definitely I know, it's like it's definitely this is getting to a point now. It's like I know all these things I'm doing is good in terms of how I react to people, how I treat people, all that. But how do I treat myself? How do I actually treat myself? Because it's like I can then like I could be the nicest person in the world to everyone else, but if I'm like a dickhead to myself, then no one's really gonna truly really respect me in terms of like actual professionalism. Because if you don't respect yourself first, then like how the fuck am I supposed to respect you?
SPEAKER_00I completely agree with that. What's called you have to hey that's comes back to the love part too. You have to love yourself before you love anybody else. You have to have confidence, you have to be able to do that shit yourself too. You can't just do it whenever you can't just do it whenever whenever you're doing it for somebody else. Cause you just won't put your max effort at all. You won't put your full effort no matter what.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Yeah, I lost it.
SPEAKER_00So Blake, come back over here, motherfucker. You turn my AC off, so if you hear a little noise, that's what it is. It's fucking 92 degrees in this bitch. Has melting. Yeah, no, honestly.
SPEAKER_01Like the brain fog on that guy into a point where it's now I see y'all growing, both of y'all. I've seen y'all at some pretty low points, and I'm like, damn, bro, I'm self-county on, bro. It's too appreciate. Especially the fact y'all becoming fucking fathers. Y'all becoming a father will change. We becoming men. Y'all are becoming, y'all, we're not boys anymore, bro. And yes, obviously, we're still gonna do things that are just gonna be immature. We're probably we don't know fucking. I don't know anything. I'm older than y'all, I don't know more than y'all, more than me. But we're not the fucking kids that we were when we were abused. We're not the kids that we were when we do all the dumb shit that people were fucking mocking us about. We're our own person. Yeah. And how we carry ourselves, that's how we carry ourselves.
SPEAKER_00Honestly, oh you were getting into it about how you gotta love yourself and everything. It's one thing I've been getting on myself about. I just haven't been per se treating myself the way I should have, the way I should. I get down on myself, but I also don't take care of myself every day how I should be. Like, I'll neglect myself. I'll wait to eat rather than fucking setting, I'll do this rather than eat. I'll sit there and do this rather than get a cup of water I need. I'll do this and I'll hold my shit in piss until I do it and finish it, and then I'll go do that. And it's oh and why? I need to be able to sit there and take the time to actually take care of me, my health, and everything like that. Now, I don't know. That's been one big thing that I've been worried about is health, especially with having the kid on the way. Just being as healthy as I can be and fucking healthy-minded physically, mentally, everything.
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna ask y'all one final question before we end this podcast. What is the final thing that got y'all to really want to get better? What was the thing that finally got y'all better?
SPEAKER_00I wanted a future, bro. I wanted to actually I wanted to say that I didn't spend 90% of my life in jail or feeling guilty about what I did to others. I wanted to be able to make a different cycle for myself and my future kids. I wanted to create a better future, a better now and a better future.
SPEAKER_01How about you? How about for you, Caleb?
SPEAKER_02It's definitely me having a child, just similar to what he's about to experience. Me having a child, that definitely it switched me up a little bit and made me see the things that I was doing was wrong. You know what I mean? I gotta straighten up because if not, I can't be the man that I need to be for this child. I gotta straighten myself up because any man could be a father, but if you're facing your own problems, you're going through bullshit, you're not gonna be able to be there for that person that you're supposed to be 100% to the foolish. But me but me definitely having a child was what straightened me out. It what made me see the wrongdoings that I was doing, made me see that I had to make this change because if I didn't make this change, it was just gonna be a repeated cycle too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, your kid was gonna do the same thing. It's exactly how I feel. I feel like every man can be a father, but not every father can be a real man. Yeah, you gotta be the real man part.
SPEAKER_01No, and I think for me, it's this podcast. It's like I was like, you know what? This is the first time in my life that I'm doing something that's not I don't benefit doing these podcasts. I don't benefit me. Not yet. Not yet. But it's just I want people to listen to this. If they're really actually struggling, please actually go get some help. I've been thinking about that so much. Be a man, bro. Talk about your kids. Cry about it. Yeah, we literally let out. I literally like I literally talked about this on a previous podcast about like literally, like, I have holding so much anger for the longest time. Anyone holding anything, let it out. No one's gonna hurt about you. And by not saying if you don't feel safe, letting out around certain people, I want to make a community where if you go through some shit, you're not gonna get judged for fucking telling your story. No one, I know no shame, no nothing. You if you fucking gotta spill your guts out to a point where you're fucking heathen, like I've been to that point.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, literally, imagine having a 25-pound weight on your back all the time and just talk about it. You won't have it there no more. Yeah, you don't feel like you dropped it.
SPEAKER_01That's what I this podcast has been for me, because I don't say these things if I don't really show people like, hey yo, like I I'm not perfect. And beyond this, oh, I'm not perfect, and like I know I can get better, but like people see that I'm struggling too. Like, even if I have a lot of money in my pocket, even though, yeah, I'm taught, like, these things don't matter. I'm still going through things just like you are. So it's like you're not alone. You're not alone. Anyone out here, you're not alone. Never alone. This is ain't nothing but a vibe. I appreciate y'all, and y'all have a good rest of your night.